Feeling like a Fraud

Have you ever felt like a fraud or failure? Or, have you ever felt you spent hours or days on something only to feel like you made no progress and you’re still at square one?

That’s how I felt last night and today. What’s worse is, that I felt that I wasted my time and time, that I could have better spent with my family.  It would be nice to say that I shook off this feeling easily but I didn’t.   I am human too.  Even though I know this moment doesn’t define me it certainly feels like it does.

Everything says you can’t rush the process but I sure wish I could. You know, when you want to be special, the person that did it all, all the time.  And most days I am successful, but when we fail, like I did last night, we easily forget all of our successes.   We feel like, I am such a fraud, how can I help other people? I suck.  I failed.   It seriously feels like “my world is ending.”  I know in retrospect and in writing this, it seems so silly now.  Like, no one failure, this failure, is not the end all be all.   But in that moment, it certainly feels like it is. 

As serial high achiever failing feels just the same as it does for everyone else.  I set these high expectations for myself and when I can’t do something that looks so simple (like building a website) I become so frustrated with myself and in turn those around me.  Sorry family.

If you watched my VLOG on YouTube,  you are probably aware that I am taking Marie Forleo’s B-School and Week 2 is website.  I, of course,  am so anxious to redo my website instead of following the other important steps.

So what is the lesson here? The lesson, when we fail or feel like a fraud? We’re not, we just haven’t been successful at what we are trying.  Like I tell my kids, and my teen has even told me, “Every first time is a mess.”  So, I have two choices, you have two choices, keep trying or give up.  And well, here I am, I am not giving up so there’s that.  I give myself one choice (at least on this). 

Here’s some takeaways from last night/today

  • Enjoy the process
  • Take a break
  • ReEvaluate
  • Create an action plan
  • Enjoy the process.Yep, as much as it sucks remember that this is all new.  Whatever you are trying to do,  is completely new to YOU.  Yes, others may have done it before or are even better than you their first time but what’s most important is, that now is your time.  Your journey, both the ups and the downs.  Take these moments, and laugh at them, you’ll be laughing later; saying remember when…
  • Take a break.  As determined as you might feel to get XYZ done, right now is not the time.  Creating while frustrated just does not work.  Trust me it just leads to more frustration.  There’s no set amount of time that is needed for a break,  but a rule of thumb would be the bigger the project, stakes, or your frustration, the longer the break should be.  Seriously, take a break for your sanity and those around you!
  • ReEvaluate.  After your break, reevaluate your plan.  Is it sound? Does it make sense?   Is what you were doing what you needed to do to reach your end goal? Sometimes we get so invested in something that you just can’t let it go.  This is when we feel stuck but the reality is we have a choice to do something different.  If what you are doing is not working, it might be a good time to reconsider what you are doing.  You can cut your losses and try something different, or take time to investigate why, what you are doing is not working. Another option is asking for help.   This is something I do not do often enough.  And I do not mean Google or YouTube, while it can be helpful, it is not the help I am referencing.   There comes a time we need to seek a subject matter expert to help us, get over the hump.  Invest in yourself and your sanity, it will be worth the money.
  • Create an action plan.  Finally after you have done a self eval or reflection, on what you are doing and your end goal.   Create an action plan.  And I don’t mean just another goal, I mean a serious action plan.  One that will make you feel like you conquered this setback, Tat you owned it, versus it owning you.    Your action plan, should include a goal and breakdown of at least three to five steps you will take to reach your goal.  Trust me, if this is a big failure, you need a big plan to help you sort through this.   

What’s my action plan for this obstacle (redoing my website)?  I don’t have one yet.  I am in the ReEvaulate phase, I need to go back and see where I really am and where I want to go.  I have so many ideas now swirling in my head that I need to get down on paper.  Then I will set up an action plan.  Part of my problem, is that I have too many plans of action going at once.  So for today, this week, I will be going back and finishing up some steps from week 1 B-School lessons that I left unfinished.  By doing that, I will then have a better plan for what I want my website to look like and have.  So while, my site is not where I want it to be, it is functional.  People don’t buy websites, they buy value.  Are my services valuable?   Yes, yes they are.      Career & Life Coaching are not a quick fix, nothing that lasts is, but it is worth every penny.   If you need someone to give it to you straight, concise, and with no sugar coat, I am your gal.  And even if you don’t and the thought of it scares you, I am still your gal. (lol)

What do you do when you have a setback?  Do you take time to ReEvaluate or do you just continue going headstrong?  Is there a time that being persistent is all you need? I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts. 

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