Career & Life Advice: When You Lose Yourself

Many times we get caught up in everyday life where every day becomes the same. Getting up, going to work, doing chores and ending the day with no real sense of purpose.  This can happen after many life events, getting married, having children, losing a loved one, and the list goes on. A sure sign that “you” are “lost” is this gnawing feeling of numbness.  This feeling that just doesn’t go away, even when you feel like you should be “happy.” You can’t just shake this off, some may call it depression. 


I prefer to say that it stems from a loss of yourself and having no sense of purpose.  Tomatoe, tomato it is the same thing.


So what do you do? When you just can’t “shake” this off?  Well first know that you cannot just “shake” this feeling off, this is deep inside you and you need to acknowledge it. Face it! The only way to move forward is to face all these feelings that have been festering in there.  


This “numb” feeling is your defense mechanism that has been stuffing all your emotions inside.  It might have started due to a life event, a way for you to protect yourself from some pain or other emotion.  But then your defense mechanism started stuffing ALL of your feelings in that deep dark place. It does not discern between good and bad.


THEN that place inside you get sooooo full and there’s just no more room.  You start to lash out, you instantly regret it but you can’t stop. You realize you have a problem but you have no idea what is going on.  WHY? Well it’s all those emotions that have been stuffed in there, for years, months, or days, if you’re lucky, it hasn’t been that long and guess what? They are ready to COME OUT.  


This might all sound VERY scary, what do you do? That is a lot to handle all at once. Here are some ways to start processing what is going on.



  • Start small
  • Meditate
  • Journal
  • Seek professional help



  • Start small – acknowledge your emotions, accept your emotions for what they are and stop denying them. Forgive yourself, this is not a time to blame yourself.  This is time to heal. If you feel inclined to do so, share your feelings with those close to you. 
  • Meditate – find a mediation on any media you like (YouTube, Pandora, Spotify) even 5 minutes will make a big difference.  Start slow and give yourself time to learn how to meditate. Just like anything else, it takes more than a day to learn how. It took you months to learn to walk, talk and write; you cannot expect to learn to meditate effectively in a day or two.
  • Journal – journaling is a great way to express yourself. Write down everything you are thinking, feeling, and take time to read it later.  Reflect on what you wrote. Be objective and attempt to see this from a different perspective.  
  • Seek professional help – some feelings are too deep and dark to properly process on our own. If this is your case, seek professional help with a licensed therapist in your area.  


Once we take the first step in attempting to acknowledge, accept and reconcile with ourselves we can then begin to really be ourselves again.  We can begin to be in the present moment and really feel the joy that we have daily. Be it spending time with someone we love, enjoying a great view or even a delicious piece of cake.  Everything will begin to feel like it is LIVE and IN COLOR again. So take back control and begin living again!


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